We just had our annual neighborhood holiday party. We have great neighbors who like to spend time together. In the cold, dark Oregon winter, we love the glow of a large gathering.  We like easy, so the potluck is pretty open and we get a delightful variety of sides, mains and desserts--unlike the potluck my dad went to in the 1930's when 13 families all brought beans. And yet happy people make for happy bellies.

But family and work gatherings can often include subtle and not so subtle conflicts. And that brings things that are hard to swallow.
 
There is a way to use your body to find and move from a grounded, stable and uniquely you posture or alignment that will help you have a much more enjoyable time.
It involves what I call "emotional Aikido" in which a force which comes toward you is redirected smoothly without harm to you or the creator of the force.

When an emotional force comes at us our bodies naturally do one of two things.

• Tense our bodies and lift our chest like a shield to deflect the blow
• Curl our trunk forward which hugs the place that the blow enters.

These two postures are opposite ends of a continuous arc from flexion (curling down) to extension (lifting up).
They aren't separate, although often we get stuck in one or the other reaction. 
The beauty of "emotional aikido" is that we can use the effective combination of both to redirect the force with ease and elegance.

Click here to watch me demonstrate (and see my cute red purse!)
or read on for how to do it:

• Sit at the edge of a firm chair. Let the thought of the challenge go off somewhere, and focus on your body.
• Your feet are flat on the floor and your knees are at or below the level of your hips.
• Relax and let gravity pull you down as your pelvis rocks back, and you sit behind your sit-bones. As this happens your chest falls  down forward  and your head nods just a little; so you end up in a C curve with your shoulders resting over your hips. I call this "flexion." (Caution: this is not  the slump that our couches, smart phones and cars take us into). 
• Now fall a little forward so you feel your weight shifting more into your feet. Push off with your feet as your pelvis rocks forward, your back arches a little and your head looks up at a diagonal (your weight is still forward--flying toward possibility...). I call this "extension." Immediately allow your waist to rest comfortably somewhere back in the middle of this range; your chest is a little forward of what feels normal. I call this "neutral," but you can call it "Ready" or "Albuquerque" or "Simone;" whatever strikes you as fun, because NOW you're ready for some fun!
• Practice, practice, practice...with eyes wide and a little smile on your face....remember, you're learning something new so set it into a positive place.

Have you tried affirmations and found they don't fit, feel forced or you plain forget about them after a day or two?

In November, Dr. Pamela Jeanne and I held our fifth Sunday Seminar "Designing Your New Life"!  

Here are a few comments we received from attendees: "This workshop will help you live with yourself". "This is an opportunity for significant life change", "Just do it". This is the best comment: "Experience a new use of yourself as a person who is in love with herself."

It's exciting to see these women use a combination of processes to look and feel utterly different and better; with a sense of possibility they didn't have just 4 hours before.

We all wear whatever history we haven't let go of yet in our bodies and our faces. As a Barral Visceral Manipulation teacher once said, "Whatever negative emotion we haven't had the opportunity to release completely, our body will kindly store for us..." till we have the opportunity to release it. And this frees up our brain to think more clearly--always a good thing.

When we feel sad or hurt or scared, our bodies automatically respond by hugging our heart or protecting our vulnerable front. We fold forward, our head following our spine, our eyes look down.  This is good. This is wonderful!  Support just when we need it for just the feeling we're having!!
We just don't want to get stuck there. We can lose the natural muscle tone that bounces us back.

When we're elated, we arch our backs, raise our hands above our shoulders, arms outstretched, head up to see the world and revel in it.  This is good. This is wonderful!  Support from our whole body for this wonderful feeling we're having.  We just don't want to get stuck there, either. We can get locked into a pattern of tension.

Both extremes are out of balance and require more energy than we need to expend if we stay there.
And since Life often intervenes before we have the chance to make the choice to move easily in and out of a posture in our own time, we end up expressing one end or the other, or even a combo, thinking, "it's just the way I am."

So take a moment now.  Notice how you feel. What part of you supports a feeling of up?  "yay!" Or maybe there's a hint of, "You can't make me." This is a more up posture as well.  Maybe your low back, or your head?  It could be any part.  What part of you supports a feeling of "down"? 

Imagine that you can easily find a way to move from one to another.  Because you can.  Check out my earlier blog for a simple version, or click here to watch a video from Judith Aston, introducing "Sitting."

When you've found a powerful "neutral" you can add power, authenticity and  effectiveness to the words you are telling yourself....your affirmation. After all "thoughts are just thoughts, and we can change our thoughts. When we change our thoughts, we change our world."